Returning To Piano, Sarah Dukes Focuses On The Bright Side

I never considered myself a writer. I always had a hard time expressing myself through words. It never came easy to me. But, for these past 10 months, G-d has chosen me to be a channel for His messages, teachings, and valuable life lessons.

But now, I have no more words. I feel silenced. Or maybe I just silenced myself. And that’s ok. I have been through and seen an unbelievable amount of trauma, and I need to process. I need to grieve. I need to mourn. I need to give whatever emotional energy I have to each one of our children. And I need time to rebuild myself so I can rebuild my family after being shattered into a million pieces.

I may not be writing now, but I am still feeling. And I will continue sharing those feelings- maybe not through words per se, but through sound. Through music. Through the only way I know I can: Through tapping into the core of my essence and allowing every nuanced emotion to be released through the piano notes as well as the spaces in between.

So here it is. The piece I started composing a couple of weeks ago when I posted about my first time alone with a piano since this journey started. The piece I played for Yudi on that beautiful Wednesday morning while the sun was still shining and Yudi was alive, happy, grateful. The piece I recorded that same Wednesday afternoon right before going to the Ohel, and seeing a magnificent sunset.

The beautiful day quickly turned into one of the darkest nights, as I got that call from the doctor which would forever change our lives.

This is the last piece Yudi will have heard me play while in this physical world.

It’s emotional for me to watch this video. I reflect back and remember how I was feeling in the moment, and how I was completely unaware of what was about to happen next.

I did not have a chance to finish this piece yet, but wanted to share anyway because of its significance.

A few weeks ago, when I initially started this composition, I titled it, “Sunny Days”. This was the title that just came to me while writing it. I didn’t think too much about it, but after that Wednesday night and Thursday, I so badly want to retitle it. But I won’t. A lot of intense and heavy emotions were released into this composition. They definitely weren’t “sunny”, but for some reason, I still chose that title, and I will respect that decision, knowing and believing this title depicts everything the piece represents.

We may have some very dark and dreary and rainy and freezing days, but they don’t take away anything from the sunny ones. I am determined to continue seeing the rays and light and sunshine that continue shining through in midst of the darkness. May we have only sunny days ahead!

Thank you for all you are doing in the merit of Chaim Schneur Zalman Yehuda ben Aaron Leib and for continuing to bring more light into the world!