SATIRE: Purim Preparation Checklist
General Preparations
- Diet for a week before (Does not include Taanis Esther)
- Put on fridge list of all Megillah reading locations and times
Shaloch Manos Checklist:
- Parve (marking milchich won’t help if person opening can’t read yet or doesn’t bother checking labels)
- Kosher l’Pesach (non-gebrochs of course) – PESACH IS COMING
- A minimum of two hecsherim, four if from Israel
- Free of all known or suspected allergens
- No choking hazards
- Nothing sticky except chocolate
- Not crumb producing except Hamentashen
- Nothing small enough to be stuffed in a pants pocket and not detected until the drying cycle
- No packages of anything that can roll everywhere when opened by eager hands attached to someone who hasn’t had nosh in the last 15 seconds.
- Nothing with an expiration date more than three years later
- Bananas must be enclosed bin bubble wrap
- Delicious
Shaloch Manos Container Checklist:
- ABSOLUTLY NO GLITTER – PESACH IS COMING
- Holds all ingredients without spilling
- Able to be carried safely by the youngest distributor in your tribe
- Durable enough to withstand chosen delivery method
- Securely wrapped/closed so nothing falls out
- Does not require tools to open
- Either useful or easily disposable
- No towers of any sort unless you are sending corporate Shaloch Manos
Shaloch Manos Suggestions to Ignore:
- Pineapples and coconuts – hard to cut and messy
- Chocolate if it will be in car in weather over 75 degrees for more than 2 hours
- Anything requiring refrigeration
- Any homemade delicacy requiring more than four ingredients unless prepared by a teenager
Costume Checklist:
- CHEAP
- INEXPENSIVE
- BILICHE
- ABSOLUTLY NO GLITTER – PESACH IS COMING
- Not scratchy
- Easy to put on
- Easy to take off
- Has pockets for those who need
- Does not require assistance when using bathroom unless wearer is still in diapers
- Does not obstruct vision when wearer is operating a vehicle, riding anything or walking
- Does not make the wearer pout, cry or throw a tantrum because it is just like/different than everyone else
- Not nerdy
- Not suffocatingly hot
- Makeup should be easily removed by normal means
