Shazak Parsha Post – Parshas Shemini
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TEMPLE TRAGEDY!
It was supposed to be the greatest day of their lives. On the first day of the month of Nissan, Nadav and Avihu were installed as Kohanim, priests, in the Mishkan. On that very same day, the brothers were last seen entering the holiest parts of the Temple without permission.
“I saw them from a distance, and I couldn’t believe my eyes,” exclaimed eye-witness Harvey Hotzenplotz. “These two brothers were in ‘high spirits’ and could hardly walk a straight line, yet they entered the sacred Tabernacle carrying flaming Ketores-incense. Within moments, a fire swooped down from heaven and sucked up their souls! What a catastrophe!”
When asked for comment by TNS tragedy reporter Asher Ambulance-Chaser, Nadav and Avihu’s father, Aharon Hakohen, responded with silence.
Expert Educator Demonstrates Kosher
It was the ultimate Show and Tell Workshop. Standing before a crowd of Israelites, Moshe Rabbeinu displayed a series of animals; fish; birds; and creeping, crawling creatures; teaching young and old the laws of Kosher.
“Golly, that was some Kosher lesson!” said Mrs. Audiovisual Lerner. “Now I know the rules – split hooves and chewing its cud for mammals; fins and scales for fish; and only certain birds and insects are kosher. Our leader Moshe sure knows how to make learning a breeze!”
Another Israelite commented, “OK, that was a great lesson for us, here in the desert. But what about future generations? How will they learn the ins and outs of Kosher?!”
As we go to press, the Elders of Israel are forming the Sinai Rabbinical Council. Plans are underway to create a symbol to be placed on all kosher products.
Alert: Pig Prankster on the Loose
An arrogant, scheming pig, a.k.a. Mr. Swine Chazerfisel, has been seen showing off his cloven hooves, apparently trying to fool people into believing that he is Kosher.
“The Torah states clearly that the pig, which has split hooves, but does not chew its cud, is 100% NOT Kosher,” said Rabbi Mordy Mashgiach of the Sinai Rabbinical Council. “If you spot such a show-off pig, call our fraud hotline immediately: 1-800-PIG-ALERT.”
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