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Shazak Parsha Post – Vayakeil-Pekudei

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Special Mishkan Edition #1

Work Halted at Mishkan Project Site

The building of the Mishkan is well under way with a wave of excitement growing at a dizzying pace. Talented men and women, under the expert guidance of the chief architects Betzalel and Ahaliav, are shaping gold and silver, carving wood, and spinning wool.

Both Betzalel and Ahaliav were seen doing much of the building work themselves. When questioned by our TNS reporter, Berel Shmerl Shazakowitz, Betzalel replied, “What’s the question?! Isn’t it a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity?! To help build a dwelling place for HaShem, the King of kings, is below my dignity?! What’s wrong with rolling up my sleeves and helping out a little?! It’s an absolute honor and a privilege, isn’t it?

Master Architects Join Building Crew

Bnei Yisrael were recently commanded by HaShem that the Mishkan Project should stop from before sunset on Friday until Saturday night. Work of any kind, including bringing donations, has been declared forbidden.

“At first, I was saddened to stop my holy building work,” commented Mr. Benny Binyanmacher, a professional construction worker, “but then I realized that keeping Shabbos is also honoring HaShem. When Shabbos ends, I will be energized, invigorated and reJEWvinated to continue working on the Mishkan. It’s a win-win situation!”

Donations Refused!

Women, men and children are rushing with contributions of pure gold, silver, copper, wool and linen of all colors, animal skins, wood, and precious stones.

“STOP!” Moshe called out. “My fellow Jews, you have been so generous! We have more than enough for the Mishkan Project! NO MORE DONATIONS… please!”

A flabbergasted Mr. Feivel Flabberstein expressed his wonder at Moshe’s refusal to accept more gifts. “I’ve seen my share of wondrous things, including The Ten Plagues back in Egypt… but this?! I’m just… flaggerblasted! I mean… I’m… I’m… blaffergasted… FLABBERGASTED! And don’t make me say that twice!!”

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Special Mishkan Edition #2

Building Project Completed Before Enthusiastic Nation

With the holy Mishkan complete, Bnei Yisrael excitedly gathered at the Project Site. “The architects’ handiwork is absolutely divine,” reported TNS art critic Professor Lukshenkop. “A work of art! Unprecedented! Unparalleled! Unbelievable!” “A True Masterpiece! Exquisite! Magnifico! Me’uleh! Mamesh Gevaldik!” echoed young and old throughout the desert. In a surprise move, Moshe Rabbeinu proceeded to share the exact totals of all donations and how they were used for the Mishkan. “I want to be totally transparent,” he proclaimed. “Let no man, woman or child accuse Moshe of taking even half-a-shekel for himself.

Lone Lifter Beats Beam Team

Now that the holy Mishkan has finally been completed, the Jewish Nation is in practice mode. Yet a major glitch has been reported. The talented and powerful Jewish Beam Team has not been successful in setting up the heavy beams of the Mishkan. To the amazement of all, the unassuming leader, Moshe Rabbeinu, has come to the rescue.

“Rabbi Rabbeinu’s power is clearly a divine gift,” reported TNS sports commentator, Mr. Howard Kosel-HaMa’aravi. “We are now witnessing a display of super-human strength. The power of one individual, who is single-handedly lifting the beams for a week straight! 1. up and down; 2. up and down; 3. up and down; 4. up and down; 5. up and down; 6. up and down; 7. up and down… YES! It’s 100 super-heavy, colossal beams! This is clearly an unprecedented record-breaker, never to be matched.” The Jewish leader is well past his 80th birthday and has more than once displayed his supernatural power. Not long ago, he spent 120 days on Mount Sinai, where he neither ate nor drank!

High Priesthood Transfers to Brother

Moshe Rabbeinu is expected to give up his role as Kohen Gadol this Sunday as the Mishkan is completed and the practice sessions conclude. As commanded by HaShem, his elder brother, Aharon, is favored to take over the position.

“Moshe must channel all his energy into being the leader of the Jewish nation,” commented Mrs. Leah Know-It-All. “No doubt about it… Aharon ben Amram will make a fine Kohen Gadol,” agreed Mr. Moe Know-It-All.”

Yet not all were as confident. “Mr. and Mrs. Know-It-All… You two think you know it all,” shouted the excited and opinionated Professor Perry Pessimistsky. “Only time will tell whether things will work out.” According to TNS sources the professor has signed up for anger management therapy. We wish him luck.

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