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Shazak Parsha Post – Parshas Shmos

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Population Explosion Shakes Egypt

Jewish women in the Land of Egypt are giving birth at an alarming rate. Many of them are having sextuplets, six babies at a time! According to the National Jewish Midwifery Association, just last night, 42 sets of sextuplets were born in the Jewish city of Goshen. This Jewish Population Explosion is sending Egyptian officials into anxiety, dismay, panic, trepidation and a bunch of other adjectives.

A palace spokesman has reported to TNS that Paraoh is not a happy camper.

“I am not a happy camper,” clarified the king.

Egyptian Princess Adopts Baby

Basya, daughter of Paraoh, has announced that she has adopted a cute baby boy. Reliable sources report that the baby was saved by the Princess of Egypt at the Nile River.

“It was a basket case,” said Investigator Mr. Harry Know-It-All. “This baby was floating along the river, and the princess was the right one at the right time to lend a hand and come to the rescue.”

It seems that the child will be living with his nursemaid, Yocheved, until he is ready to move back in with the princess at the
royal palace.

Murderer’s Neck Turns to Stone

After several witnesses testified that Moshe killed an Egyptian officer, he was brought to the Executioner’s Dungeon to be killed. As the sword was lowered upon the convict, his neck miraculously turned to stone, while the Royal Executioner lost his eyesight. When asked to describe the scene the executioner responded, “I don’t know what to tell you! I am in the dark with this one.” TNS believes that Moshe is now heading towards the Midyan region. BTW: If you know of his whereabouts please contact Shazak Detective Agency… ASAP.

King to Withdraw Straw

Straw is a critical ingredient in brick production. Yet, in a surprising move, the mighty leader of Egypt, His Majesty King Paroah, has stopped providing it to the Jewish brick-makers for his Super-Duper-Building-Project.

The royal decree was issued: “Hear ye, Hear ye! Upon order of the mighty, magnificent, marvelous King of Egypt, no longer will any slave be supplied with straw. You will have to find your own straw and keep up the high production. Failure to comply will result in severe punishment.”

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