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COUP D’ÉTAT! noun: the violent overthrow of an existing government by a small group.
Korach Announces Campaign
Billionaire-turned-politician Korach is running a political campaign that is gaining steam every day. In a series of brilliant moves, he is customizing his message to resonate with the common folk.
“My dear fellow Israelites,” announced Korach wearing a blue “Make Your Tribe Great Again” hat, “You deserve better. You are all holy! You are all special! And you all, every single one of you, deserve to be in charge! Especially me!”
Korach Issues Blue Uniforms
250 organizers of the Korach for Kohen Gadol campaign were seen parading around the camp wearing garments made entirely of blue Techeiles-threads. Apparently, the purpose of the uniforms is to poke fun at Moshe Rabbeinu, who recently shared the Mitzvah of placing a single blue thread on each corner of a 4-cornered garment.
Techeiles is an extremely costly fabric, reserved for royalty. “This fits in perfectly with Korach’s style,” explains TNS political commentator, Professor Minkol Morinbishon. “He spends money galore to gain political supporters, and now he is convincing them that everyone is equal, and anyone can be a king. Apparently, Korach is getting ready for a coup d’état, to oust the current leaders, Moshe and Aharon.”
Severe Weather Disrupts Political Showdown
What began as a lovely spring day ended in a series of record-breaking unnatural disasters. When Korach and his cronies stood outside the Mishkan with their Ketores Pans, the earth opened up and “swallowed” Korach, his campaign staff, their families, and all their belongings.
Panic immediately broke out as bystanders scrambled away, fearing for their lives. Amid the chaos, a fire broke out and burned the 250 men holding Ketores pans. The Korach campaign had officially been terminated.
“That was the scariest thing I ever witnessed,” said Mr. Shlumiel Shrecklach, who witnessed the event. “I’m petrified, shaken, traumatized, and afraid that I’m starting to hear things as well. After the earth closed back up, I heard voices from within the ground saying, ‘Moshe is true and his Torah is true! We are the liars and evil ones.’ Am I just hearing things or what?!” “WHAT?!”
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